Okay. Deep breath. Here we go.
11:47 PM. October 26, 2023.
My heart is literally beating out of my chest. Just finished Gunjan Saxena on Netflix and I feel like I need to go for a run or punch a wall or maybe both at the same time. I'm just sitting here on my couch, the credits are rolling, and my cat, Loki, is giving me the weirdest look because I think I've been audibly gasping for the last half hour. Netflix is already trying to auto-play some random rom-com and I'm like NO, NETFLIX, I NEED TO PROCESS. I actually had to throw a pillow at the remote to stop it.
That moment. You know the one. When she's in that office, with all the men, and they tell her she can't fly the Cheetahs. The camera just holds on her face. It's not a big, dramatic, crying scene. It's just... this quiet, crushing moment. Her eyes just go dead for a second. I literally leaned forward so far I almost fell off the couch. I was so far into the screen, trying to will her to say something, to fight back. But she couldn't. And that was worse. That single shot is burned into my brain. It’s just the silence in the room and the sound of your own heart breaking for her. Ugh.
And her dad. Pankaj Tripathi is a national treasure, fight me. But seriously, his character just unlocked something in me. It reminded me of when I was like, seven, and my dad tried to teach me how to ride a bike. I fell so many times, scraped my knee so bad it was a rainbow of purple and green. I just wanted to quit. But he just kept picking me up, dusting me off, and saying, "One more time, Ishaan. Just one more time." He never once got angry. He just... believed I could do it, even when I didn't. He bought me the stupidest, most over-the-top bike helmet with flames on it because he said all great pilots need a cool helmet. Wait, why am I telling you this? This is so random. Anyway. Her dad was that. He was the flame-helmet dad.
But okay, can we talk about her brother for a second? At first, I was like, aww, best brother ever! He's her cheerleader, her first flight instructor, her everything. But now that I'm typing this... was he a little *too* perfect? Like, did he ever have a single moment of doubt? A single selfish thought? I thought I loved his character, but now I'm wondering if he was just a plot device to always say the right thing at the right time. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being cynical. It's late. My brain is fuzzy.
Honestly, the anger I feel right now. It's not even directed at one person, it's at the whole... system. The casual, everyday sexism. The "you're a girl, you can't do this." The "we have to protect you from the big, bad men." The way they'd all snicker when she walked into a room. I had to pause it twice. TWICE. Just to get up and walk around my living room because I was so worked up. I was muttering to myself, "Are you kidding me? Are you KIDDING me?" My roommate probably thinks I'm having a breakdown. The pink logbook. THE PINK LOGBOOK. I almost threw my phone at the TV. It's the little things, the constant, tiny cuts that eventually make you bleed out.
And then the Kargil part happens. And everything changes. The sound design on Netflix was surprisingly good, I had my headphones on and the whirring of the helicopter blades was so real I could feel it in my teeth. When she was taking fire, my hands were clenched into fists so tight my nails were digging into my palms. I was literally whispering, "Go, go, go, go." It wasn't about being a girl or a boy anymore. It was just about a pilot doing a job. A terrifying, impossible job. And she nailed it. That landing. That incredible, shaky, perfect landing. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. It was pure, unadulterated relief.
So yeah. I'm a mess. A pumped-up, angry, inspired mess. It’s not a perfect movie, I guess. The brother is maybe a little too saintly, the villains a little too cartoonishly evil. But who cares? It made me *feel* something. It made me feel angry and proud and hopeful all at once. I watched it on my stupid, comfortable couch, in my pyjamas, pausing to pet my cat and grab more chips, and I still felt like I was right there in the cockpit with her. That's something, right?
Okay, my brain is officially fried. I need to watch cat videos for an hour to calm down.
8.5/10 - decent
- Ishaan